On Serving

Posted by on June 28, 2011 in Grace, Growth, Prayer, Scripture | 2 comments


“Mark Anthony yoked two lions to his chariot; but there are two lions no man has ever yoked together— the lion of the tribe of Judah, and the lion of the pit. These can never go together. Two opinions you may hold in politics, perhaps, but then you will be despised by everyone, unless you are of one opinion or the other, and act as an independent man. But two opinions in the matter of soul-religion you cannot hold. If God be God, serve him, and do it thoroughly; but if this world is God, serve it, and make no profession of religion. If you are a worldling, and think the things of the world are the best, serve them; devote yourself to them, do not be kept back by conscience; ignore your conscience, and run into sin. But remember, if the Lord is your God, you cannot have Baal too; you must have one thing or the other. “No man can serve two masters.” If God is served, he will be a master; and if the devil be served, he will not be long before he will be a master; and “you cannot serve two masters.” Oh! Be wise, and do not think that the two can be mingled together.”
~ Charles Spurgeon

 

I can’t hear myself above the shouting. I can’t breath deep in this moment, I try and it catches sharp in my chest. Wincing, I flinch and wring hands in sheer frustration. Old demons creep around and lurch and tug after me. Sometimes, I admit, I let them in. I crack the door to my pitted heart and open it just enough. I believe their lies and I swallow hard, choking it down.  Trading truth for lies, does anyone else experience the battle like this?

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

In trying to follow Him I am easily distracted. I wander.  Indeed.   I cannot serve to masters and too eagerly, too willingly, I try as much.

“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

This dying to self, it feels like the impossible command. I am, at my very ugly core, selfish. Unbending. Too many days I live this life, tight fisted, closed hands, crossed arms. And while I desire a change in me, I turn face and hide when He comes, when He woos me for it. I ask for Him to draw near and then as I feel Him closing in, sometimes, I panic.

What if he calls me out? What if he asks me to do the hard things?

My rebirth in Him, by His shed blood, wasn’t the final act, but rather the overture, just the very beginning. Now is where the work comes. Now is when I prove my love. Now is when he calls and I must answer.

Yesterday, I made a commitment to Compassion to become and Advocate. Lord let me only wander in your direction, for your glory.

O to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here’s my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above…

“…I am bound for the kingdom, won’t you come with me?”

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  • http://undergodsmightyhand.blogspot.com Caroline @UnderGod’sMightyHand

    Whenever I read your posts, I always find a line I want to point out that struck me fiercely. Then I find another line. Then another. So, then I’d be quoting your whole post. I’m gonna do that anyway.nnI get this: “This dying to self, it feels like the impossible command. I am, at my very ugly core,u00a0selfish.u00a0Unbending.u00a0Too many days I live this life, tight fisted, closed hands, crossed arms.u00a0And while I desire a change in me, I turn face and hide when He comes, when He woos me for it. I ask for Him to draw near and then as I feel Him closing in,u00a0sometimes, I panic.”u00a0nnThis serving you discuss requires renewal. Constant renewal. And I wish it didn’t have to be constant. It’d be great if I could choose to serve and never fail or hesitate again. But thankfully He gives grace. Abundantly.u00a0

    • Anonymous

      Yes, Caroline, constant renewal is right. I am thankful over and over again for His patience with me and His constant, unending and undeserved grace. Always so grateful when you stop by! ;)