I don’t know why God works the way he does. I write lines and pages trying to work it all out–what He’s saying to me, where He’s taking me. But the truth is, sometimes, I just don’t know. God seems totally fine with this arrangement in this current season, though for me, it’s more of a struggle, this whole not knowing thing. Apparently my trust issues are flaring again. Even after all he has done for me.
God is doing things with me, in me, for me–and frankly, His grace overwhelms me. I’m trying to let go, to lean into it, and most days, I can. But other days (like today) I wake from wrestling demons in my sleep and I know God is telling me something–I just can’t hear Him clearly.
His message comes in fragments, pieces–like manna, maybe. He gives me just enough to keep me going, to keep me seeking–dependent. For this independent girl, this is an obvious lesson I must learn again and again.
I can’t hear Him as well as I’d like, friends. I see Him–He keeps showing up and knocking me to my knees with His abundant grace and goodness. But I can’t hear, and that troubles me.
So, right now, when it seems to be the wrong season for taking blog breaks, while that book is circulating and I feel this compulsion to keep my hands on it as it goes, God is clearly telling me to step back. Be still. Listen.
I’m getting quiet here for a couple of weeks. (Actually, I don’t know how long, but we’ll start with that). I’m pretty sure all of this has something to do with my one word, and I’d be a fool to pretend that doesn’t scare me just a little.
I’ll be praying for you, for me, that we’d hear and walk in obedience, even if that makes no sense to us.
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