My crashing efforts at motherhood sound more like the wild banging of a raggle-taggle band of children, beating crazy and hard on tin cans with wooden spoons, it sounds like recorders mashing their plastic notes together in a mess of jumbled tunes and mixed rhythms. I thought it would be different. I thought it would…
I was only 18 when God first ushered me out into the wilderness. I was eighteen and full of hope, joy, excitement- anticipation of life outside of the nest. I had not looked at many schools. I had selected just this one, one that I felt with all of my young heart, that God was…
My 5 year oldsays, “Praying is a waste of time”. On the one hand, he is 5, so it is not unreasonable to assume that he doesn’t fully know what he’s saying. But when he says things like this, and it has happened more than once, I churn anxious. When he says this, in my…
The glass bowl and macaroni fly from mischievous hands. The shattering sound startles the others, and me, as they look on in shock and I in contempt. This baby, my fourth, has broken more glass than any of the other three before her. She’s got an arm, that is for certain Macaroni and cheese lay…
This morning when I woke up it struck me hard and unexpectedly. I don’t have any more babies. I won’t have any more babies. The shower water washed over me, and thoughts, swirling, mixed up moments, snippets of the past 7 years all fought for my attention. True, It has only been 3 months since…
My cage is small. I am squeezed in tight, knees to my chest, elbows tucked in. Yesterday, I couldn’t breath in here. Today, breathing comes a little easier. I can feel the sides of it, the top of it slowly letting out; Letting Him in- I suck hard for a long breath, my lungs fill…
Hearing him say those words broke me. “I feel like nothing.” Like getting punched in the stomach, punched in the heart. What causes a child of only 7 short years, to say such a thing? I know the answer. I have known the answer for a long, long time. I have felt that feeling before.…
Healing Comes I had a friend. We had a falling out. We literally went from spending any and all free time together, to not speaking. It wasn’t a dramatic explosion of hurtful words. No, it was more of a steady trickle of hurtful comments, misunderstandings, jealousy, and hormones (I was pregnant at the time). But…
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