me

The rain trickles steady and the sky sags, a white blanket of rain she’s holding back. It looks like a snow-sky, except that it’s summer here, and buds have awoken, striking us all with allergy attacks, leaving us bleary eyed and sniffling–much like in winter.

But I thank God for the allergies today, as the running of my face is more easily hidden from little people who sometimes ask too many questions, and are easily bent out of shape when Mommy cries.

I’ve learned a lot this last year about surrender and being brave but it’s not easy, (it never was), and I’m sure it never will be.

Not for me, anyway.

I can be willful in the worst ways–

But today, it all falls down. My guard, my patience.

Tears too.

They slip against my will and a dam of lashes cannot hold them back, as they wash over my cheeks.

I huddled in corners and in quiet pockets of the house as best that I could, with four children underfoot, and clinging.

Walls inside fell down and it felt both scary and freeing, because you know, walls keep people out, too. 

In a weird way, a breakdown day brought freedom, a big ugly swan dive off the edge of a cliff into an ocean of grace and mercy that swirls, always waiting to receive those who are brave enough to step off of the edge.

I call it a dive, but honestly, it was a fall, a ragged stumbling, through the unknown into the known hands of a merciful God who lifts the brokenhearted and hangs close to the crushed in spirit.

He holds tight to us always–tighter when we drip sorrows down our cheeks. In clinging to Him I find rest.

He is always where I land.

 

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Five Minute Friday

26 thoughts on “Fall

  1. Mel

    Each of our journeys are different, but I was in a similar place just this week. I’m here with you just a little bit…because that moment of falling brought a strange kind of peace, even hope. And the moments following were better. Beautiful…blessings to you.

    Reply
  2. Beautiful, Kris. This: “Walls inside fell down and it felt both scary and freeing, because you know, walls keep people out, too.” I’m sorry for your tears today, but sometimes they’re so freeing…you just dive girl. Big, graceful swan leap or just fall right in.

    Reply
  3. Ahhh…”a swan dive over the cliff into an ocean of grace and mercy…lifting the brokenhearted and hanging close to the crushed in spirit…” yes, Yes, YES! Freedom, so much freedom. I’m so blessed by your words, by your raw heart on the page and by the sheer gift you’ve been given to write. Oh girl, you can write! Thank you for this 🙂 xoxo

    Reply
  4. Amy Hunt

    This honesty is what He wants, more than a Hallelujiah. I’m convinced this is worship in the purest form. These words come from the soul — a beautiful heart cry that I know required surrender and humility, a deep and abiding trust to share. This vulnerability honors Him, friend. {hugs}

    Reply
    1. Amy, you always have a way of putting it. I believe He is honored when we are most real. he sees our heart and in letting others see a bit, we can be a witness to His mighty healing and redemptive powers. Love to you, praying for your day!

      Reply
  5. Beth Hendrickson

    You capture both the fear of the fall and the redemption possible when we let go. Beautiful and true. Stopping by from FMF.

    Reply
  6. Shelly Miller

    Beautiful imagery you’ve captured with you words Kris. I could see that swan dive and then that ragged stumbling. May you feel His presence with you today in a tangible way my friend. Sending lots of love and prayers today.

    Reply
    1. Thanks for prayers and friendship, Shelly. You continue to amaze me with your beautiful encouragement and heart for the Lord. I am inspired by how you live, by how you listen so closely to the Lord. Learning from you… XO

      Reply
  7. Tonya

    Oh so beautiful friend. And I have know this, known this well and the fall (dive) really is freedom. Because it nestles us there in His arms. Prayers for you today friend.

    Reply
    1. It IS freedom, isn’t it, Tonya? There is no place we can go where He is not. That thought give me tremendous hope. You bless me, girlfriend. Praying for you today!

      Reply
  8. Amy

    “Walls inside fell down and it felt both scary and freeing” Such a true statement. Behind the walls are such a comfort zone but also very lonely place to remain. May God continue to comfort you as those walls fall down.

    Reply
  9. I have missed so much. Missed you. Missed words. Missed out.
    You.are.so.lovely. In all things. In the confessions, the revelations, the faith and the questions. And always love. Hello again. Forgive my absence. I pray for you through the quiet.

    Reply
  10. Mia

    Hi Kris, I know from experience that those tears are so necessary to wash your heart and soul of lots of accumulated pain! Remember, joy always comes in the morning!!
    Happy FMF.
    Mia

    Reply

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