The rain trickles steady and the sky sags, a white blanket of rain she’s holding back. It looks like a snow-sky, except that it’s summer here, and buds have awoken, striking us all with allergy attacks, leaving us bleary eyed and sniffling–much like in winter.
But I thank God for the allergies today, as the running of my face is more easily hidden from little people who sometimes ask too many questions, and are easily bent out of shape when Mommy cries.
I’ve learned a lot this last year about surrender and being brave but it’s not easy, (it never was), and I’m sure it never will be.
Not for me, anyway.
I can be willful in the worst ways–
But today, it all falls down. My guard, my patience.
They slip against my will and a dam of lashes cannot hold them back, as they wash over my cheeks.
I huddled in corners and in quiet pockets of the house as best that I could, with four children underfoot, and clinging.
Walls inside fell down and it felt both scary and freeing, because you know, walls keep people out, too.
In a weird way, a breakdown day brought freedom, a big ugly swan dive off the edge of a cliff into an ocean of grace and mercy that swirls, always waiting to receive those who are brave enough to step off of the edge.
I call it a dive, but honestly, it was a fall, a ragged stumbling, through the unknown into the known hands of a merciful God who lifts the brokenhearted and hangs close to the crushed in spirit.
He holds tight to us always–tighter when we drip sorrows down our cheeks. In clinging to Him I find rest.
He is always where I land.
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