She’s staring at me with her blue-gray eyes edging downward.
The corners of her mouth tilt towards the floor as her bottom lip protrudes just a bit, in a natural pout.
“I just can’t hear Him, Moooommy!” She moans the words and I feel the tears welling because I know exactly how she feels. I’ve lived a handful of quiet seasons between He and I and I know the deafening silence of the waiting. The wondering. The struggling to believe in the dark–
I swallow the tears because this is not the time–(though lately it’s never the right time for a good sob but it seems as if it’s always fighting for air when His name is mentioned).
“How can I hear Him if He’s so quiet? God needs to talk louder so I can hear Him!”
I nod understandingly. I stroke her silky-fine hair and try gently, persistently, to force the errant strands back onto their side of the part.
“He speaks to you in your heart” I say, touching her just there, in the ribs. She huffs a little and pushes back into the couch.
“Well, I can’t hear Him”.
But in that desperate moment of parenting it’s me who hears Him:
My sheep hear my voice, I know them and they follow me. John 10:27
As quickly as the words zip from brain to lips we’re all of the sudden talking about sheep and shepherds and obedience and listening–she’s only four and this all feels a little much–but she listens and laughs at being called a sheep.
I offer silent thanks to God for His swift assistance in helping me help her.
Motherhood requires so much leading and some days I plain forget the words, stumbling over toys, over misplaced ideals and all this laundry. I forget the Word but He’s so good to speak it when I need it most–
We hear Him by knowing Him–by abiding in Him. I needed those words from John as much as my girl did. In order to hear I have draw near.
I rise from the couch to return to the folding and dinner making, looking at her once more to shore up any loose ends.
“Still–” she sighs long, her eyelashes brushing those too-long bangs framing her face, ” I wish He would talk louder to me” she says.
I know. I think to myself. I know–me too.
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