Dreams, God-sized dreams

On God-Given Dreams

On God-Given Dreams

Yesterday morning I climbed the stairs to my office room,  sat down at my desk and lit a candle. There is nothing special about this, it’s a near daily activity I like to do before the sun fully rises. This is the space between my waking and my reality, before the kids rouse for breakfast and schooling and too many activities for a tired mama to face without having had some time to think about things other than school and laundry, and what on earth we’re having for dinner. These are my morning hours.

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On my desk, sits a notebook, a floppy moleskine purchased in a three-pack at a book store. Its nothing fancy, it’s plain, nondescript. It’s as unorganized as I am , holding within it’s pages everything from workout repetition counts, to my next book idea.There’s a page full of simple math, where I crunched numbers for the upcoming Refine Retreat, and a page full of notes from a conversation with an editor about a different project.  It holds prayer requests and the random grocery list, followed by to-do’s and names of people I’d like to meet. But there are other pages in there, 3 pages in particular, that I hadn’t read since the day I scribbled across them.

I thought I could handle those words. I had just told a friend the day before, how they no longer stung and I had “moved on”, but as it turns out, that wasn’t entirely true.

The sting of a difficult word can be a slow wound to heal.

I have stared hard at those words and prayed about what parts of them (if any) are true, and what parts of them are completely false–what do I need to keep, and what do I need to throw away? I’ve swung the ugly pendulum of believing all of them to be true, and allowed that weight to sink me, and then I’ve flung back to a place where I’ve ignored it all. But the truth, as they say, is somewhere in the middle. And so rather than burn the fragments of a difficult conversation, I hold on to it, I continue to pray over it, while trying not to let the sharp parts cut me too deeply.

What I have decided not to let it do, is kill a dream.

Self-awareness can be both exciting and difficult, because to be truly aware, we have to face our light and our dark. Our strengths and our weaknesses. You can’t ignore any of it. So the discouraging words spoken to me weeks ago will sit here in this journal while I figure out what bits are for growth, and what portion must be rejected.

What I want to say to you is this, if someone has spoken a difficult word to you, I am sorry. If you have sat by while someone has stripped you down of the vision God has planted in you, my heart hurts with yours. I know your ache. But after you have grieved the cutting, you need to bring your people around you, ask them to pray over you, and you need to get up and keep walking out that vision. You need to keep going. 

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The thing about God-given dreams is that not everyone will “get” what you are doing. Sometimes, you’re chasing a unicorn that no one else can see, and you look plumb-crazy to the world. But not to God. Not to the Dreamgiver who has set your feet on the wild path of obedience and hope.

You need to run your own race, no matter how crooked the trail appears to be. God will send you the people and resources you need. You’re not building the dream, your responding to a call. The success or failure of the vision you carry is not dependent on your skills, assets, or gifting, but on your obedience to keep going.

I re-read those difficult words yesterday, and ate 7 truffles out of my birthday box of chocolates. I sat on the porch of a dear friend and we spun our dreams out into the air between us, gossamer threads of a holy tapestry and our tears watered the seeds God has planted in each of us. He is doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it? 

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Not everyone will believe in your God-dreams. Some will tell you flat out, “you don’t have a big enough idea”,  but friend, If God has given you a dream, it is enough.

Just keep going.

 

Comments

  1. Ro elliott

    Kris… So sorry for your pain… And how tragic it’s happens all to much between believers. All betrayal begins from the same point… A failure to LOVE. And here is the challenge… Will I fail to love as well? And the cycle continues … I have know the deep cut… One that I thought would be fatal… But I can give testimony…God will come… let Him come and divide for you … I spent too much time in trying to do the dividing… I swung to so much self doubt that led to self contempt… Swinging to contempt for the other…Its like an earthquake rumbled right through your life… He will steady… He will hold … And He will speak His Love over you… And what you may need to see… Is spoken with His Love … Wrapped in Amazing Grace and Mercy… And it sounds like He has given you a gift through friends who are His arms and words!!! Blessings and grace as you journey

    Reply
    1. Kris Camealy Author

      Thank you, Ro. These are kind, generous, words. I am in a good space with all of this. God is using it all for His purposes and for my own growth. It’s remarkable the ways He spins the hard things into something else…something entirely different than we imagine. His love is fierce.

      So grateful for you. ((hugs))

      Reply
  2. This. I get this and I remember this and I fear this and my Shepherd knows. He keeps gently reminding me (such as this) that more is coming on this journey path: more doubt, more pain, more judgement, more reproach and even more rejection and straight condemnation. From those I least expect or those I love most. And I need the reminders because I’m more than a little broken and codependent and that’s the enemy’s weapon of choice. But you made the important distinction and it’s one I cling to: “You’re not building the dream, your responding to a call. The success or failure of the vision you carry is not dependent on your skills, assets, or gifting, but on your obedience to keep going.” This call to Walk Agape, it’s not my idea, my plan, my preference, it’s my calling. It’s what I was made to do.

    It’s also not for everyone. It’s not my job to change hearts and minds but to gather the hearts and minds HE has changed. (That was a big “aha” just these past weeks.)

    I don’t know much about your path, Kris, but I can look back over my own and see how God has perfectly crafted and positioned and built skills in me for this purpose. And I’d be willing to bet, you too. And so, I remember: “Though princes sit together speaking against me, Your servant will think about Your statutes; Your decrees are my delight and my counselors.” (Psalm 119:23-24 HCSB) and I must be as Peter and know that “we must obey God rather than man,” (Acts 5:29). I love your pendulum words and the reminder to look at the wound and not forget to see if there is an impurity the Lord would burn away in the refining fire. Be encouraged, sister! He is faithful and will keep us going and will hold us when we aren’t as faithful. Keep on.

    Thanks for all of this.

    Reply
  3. Sweet Kris, your heart is beautiful and I am thankful for the way you open it up for us to see the tender ways God works. You are never far from my thoughts and I often think of those sweet hours I spent in your home both before and after Refine. They are, in many ways, a marker for me of a season when God met me in my wonderings with Legos and nail polish and even a long nap … your family ministered to me in ways that still resonate deep in my soul. And, I think, when you spend time in someone’s home and play with their children and eat dinner at their table, they become a part of you forever and maybe, just maybe, you get to be a part of them too.

    Much love to you, my friend. Always.

    Reply
    1. Kris Camealy Author

      Teri Lynne,

      These are sweet, generous words. Those were treasured days for sure. I hope God will bring us together again, that weekend was absolutely pivotal in my own life too. XXOO LOVE you!

      Reply
  4. We are building, like Nehemiah, with a tool in one hand and a spear in the other. Building with the materials God has provided, and beating back doubt and fear with grace-full grit. I’m with you. And I’m so thankful you are with me. <3

    Reply
    1. Kris Camealy Author

      I am sorry for your heart, Bronwyn. I wish you didn’t carry this pain. I pray that in the days ahead, God would show you the gift of this season, and transform what wounds into something He can use and bless you with. Keep going…your words are important. Your life is a light. XO

      Reply
  5. I love you so much, Kris. I still think you should burn those pages. Anything in them that God wants to tell you He’ll find a way to say–a way that doesn’t involve squashing your beautiful heart or stomping on the dreams He’s put there. And yes, my friend, keep dreaming, keeping living into the calling to which you have been called. I’m dreaming with you! xox.

    Reply
    1. Kris Camealy Author

      Kimberlee, you are such a gift. The sting is truly mostly gone. I woke up yesterday feeling incredible peace, sensing that I am in fact *right* where I should be in this season, and that I need to keep going. The words I re-read actually serve now as a motivator. I am hopeful, and eager to press on ahead, trusting that God will carry me and the vision He has given me.

      I LOVE dreaming with you–there is so much more ahead…. 🙂
      XXOO

      Reply
  6. I’m so sorry for the pain, Kris, but so very, very thankful for the revelations you have shared here. What a gift these words are to me right now. I’ll be thinking about them for days to come.

    Reply
  7. So much goodness here to ponder, Kris. Not because this is a joy- filled post bUT because of the truth wrapped up in it. Especially these lines, “You’re not building the dream, your responding to a call. The success or failure of the vision you carry is not dependent on your skills, assets, or gifting, but on your obedience to keep going.”

    Reply
  8. Can just say that I love this…? have God given dreams am pursuing.. and my soul just doesn’t feel right unless i can pursue them. recently went part time on a job, my husband practically “begged “me to come off of, ( i mean.. who does that, right??!!) and …since we could afford to… I dd. … and i am so glad I did! now. to maintain the momentum! i solicit your prayers! God has SO MUCH stored up in me! really dont want to disappoint God! Love the candle… think i may try it… I know He’s dong a new thing. and you remember too.. his mercies are new every morning! (Lam. 3)

    Reply
  9. Just love these words, “I sat on the porch of a dear friend and we spun our dreams out into the air between us, gossamer threads of a holy tapestry and our tears watered the seeds God has planted in each of us. He is doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it? ” Keep pressing into those dreams God has placed within you. What He has begun in you, He will bring yo fruition…just keep pressing forward in obedience to that calling.
    Blessings

    Reply
  10. Well first, I’m just kind of mad that anybody would speak this over you cuz I think you are quite lovely and I don’t like discouraging words spoken over people. And I am even more convinced of your loveliness because of your response to the discouraging words. I love that you can set the hurt aside and ask Father what you should learn from them. Thanks for sharing your heart here.
    Lori

    Reply
  11. Dea

    I read blogs mostly in my inbox these days but the Holy Spirit prompted me to come here today to sit among those with like minds so I could have the opportunity to encourage and be encouraged. I’ve come through transition recently, a long one that had me shaky at times. I thought God had something for me and that I was finally prepared to do but the thing I prayed about for two years (with others) was not for me. God kept showing me that I was the “lid.” (the leadership law) By continuing to hold on I was keeping what He really wanted to happen from happening. I stepped aside and guess what—I was the lid. That ministry is taking off and I’m watching from the sidelines. You may be thinking I gave up on the dream, I missed it. It would seem so but I realize God was keeping me accepting less than the “real dream” ( the one that I’m afraid of—-just saying.) I’m writing this as an encouragement because God is for us…He is for us, the Dreamgiver and the Creator of new things. If your dream is the big one, the one you are just a bit afraid of, that’s the one He is committed to. You are in my prayers. Believing God is going to show up big for you.

    Reply

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