On Tuesdays, a few of us dreamers are joining up with Holley to share different phases of the God-sized dreaming journey. Today, we’re talking about fears we’ve faced in the process, and the truths that are bigger than the fears.
I could probably write another book entirely on the fears I’ve had to stare down in the process from bringing this book forth from my heart, and my journal, to your hands.
But because this is a blog post and not another book, I will cut to the heart of what is probably the biggest fear I’ve battled–the fear of being real. This book, Holey, Wholly, Holy was born out of such a painful season that in order to really share the message I felt God was asking me to, it would require a certain level of honesty about my own prideful nature that initially, I was not prepared to share.
But God made it clear that in my sharing of the truest state of my heart at the time, He’d further refine and humble me. I fought Him a bit. I held back and tried to write portions of the book without being fully honest, but ultimately, I knew that would never work. It would be disingenuous to write a book on the difficulty of the refining process, speaking only in hypotheticals without real glimpses of the messiness of the experience–sort of like when I clean my house from top to bottom right before a friend comes over so that I can show her my best, instead of my real.
Fear told me that if I was honest about the shape of things, you’d judge me.
God said, have no fear of man.(Isaiah 54:4)
Fear told me that my sins were so hideous that if I shared them, I’d lose friends, that I’d be rejected.
God said, I covered your sins.(Hebrews 8:12)
Fear told me that no one would read this messy story anyway, so it didn’t matter what I wrote.
So far, the book has landed in the hands of nearly 600 people. That’s got not nothing to do with me. That’s God, all God.
He seems to be showing me through this process that I can trust Him to deliver. I’ve never done anything like this in my life and yet, God has opened every single door necessary to move the process along. With each step, He has canceled out a fear by His might. As I have worried about sharing my ugly parts in this book, people have made a point to tell me specifically, how my honest sharing has helped or encouraged them.
How can this be?
In trusting Him with this story, by sharing these messy, soul-baring words in this book, God has used this as an opportunity to teach me more about who He is. When I’m tempted to feel overwhelmed and inadequate, He quietly assures me that He has this, that there’s nothing to fear.
Instead of running away in fear, I’m raising my hands in praise. This God-sized dream is only happening because of Him–because of His divine mercy. How can I fear when his presence is so near?
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Isaiah 43:13)
One more thing:
Tomorrow (Wednesday) at 2PM EST, I will be joining Dan King (BibleDude.net) and Kelli Woodford (as well as perhaps a couple of others) for a google hangout discussion about my book and Lent. If you’d like to join us, Click HERE. Would ya’ll pray for me? I’m a little nervous.