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Thoughts On Rushing~ And An Unending List Of Blessings

This rhythmic beat I hear in my head the moment I wake up, beats hard and fast -a wild rabbits’ heartbeat setting the pace; A frantic metronome, tick-tick-ticking me on through my hurried days. I want to sit, to breath slowly, but there is work to do in this moment and sitting belabors the tasks, procrastination is a black hole I can’t afford to slip into. The Father knows what I need and He provides and sustains in ways I don’t even have enough imagination to dream of, and I scrawl these words in the dark while my husband, my better half, sleeps the sleep of a hard worked man. This ridiculous list of tasks, like a hand-crafted, clay millstone around my neck, I’m always tempted to just swing it round and catapult it straight off, and I think of how I’d enjoy watching the smashing of in to pieces. I think of how God still uses the broken, how he fits pieces of the shattered together and how there is no shard too sharp or too small that he can’t work into the mosaic. I know he has gifted me with this busy season and I keep falling back on that, to remain thankful, hopeful, humbled.

This hasn’t been what I planned or expected and in panicked moments, when I have shifted my gaze from Him to me,  I have for a split-second, foolishly, caught the beginnings of a complaint on my tongue and it’s bitter taste makes me want to wash my mouth out with soap, as a mother does when her child speaks in language inappropriate. Who looks at God’s gifts and even thinks about whining for a fraction of a second? Who complains when sweet, perfect mysteries land gifted in their laps and provisions litter the ground in every form, and at the perfect moment? 

Me.

This prideful Israelite.

That’s who. I’m the one who has at moments, been arrogant enough to stand at the buffet and think in the dark ugly corners of my heart, “is this all there is to eat?” my shame rests heavy in this crackled heart. With thanksgiving and prayers for forgiveness I kneel and embrace the chaos that is the end of this month for me. I wrap my hands, finger around finger and whisper apologies and offer up praises, humbled by the stories of a pack of desert wanderers, for whom the struggle was needlessly longer, because they took their eyes off of Him. I find weak words and ask God to make me hear, to prepare me to listen and really hear.

There is a reason will be at that gathering.

Lord, let me know it when I see it. Crack open this ridiculous heart and pour into it, your life-blood. Make me willing and wanting, never quenched for your living water…….

* I will not be posting again until I return from Relevant.  I am in frantic get-ready-to-leave-all-of-my-babies-for-the-second-time-in-two-weeks-mode and I want to spend every. spare. minute. with them and my husband who is graciously sending me off with his blessing and support. Be sure to check out my {Giveaway} which closes on 10/30/11 at midnight, EST.

Counting on to my 1000 Gifts…

598. A fun trip to Vegas with my husband, my best friend, the man of my dreams 😉

599. The enormity of the Vegas skyline. Wow.

600. The ache in my gut for my babies at home.

601. Time alone with Kurt. To just sit, to be able to talk, to just share space together.

602. The outlandish ways God provides for us, despite out underserving hearts.

603. Seeing the earth from the sky, a new perspective…

604. Sunshine, breezes, blue pools.

605. Freshly manicures nails, a rare treat!

606. A quiet dinner for two.

607. Dressing up, sparkling, nighttime in the city

608. People watching

609.  $5.00 small coffees and $8.00 croissants. Only a gift because they make me appreciate the ones I can buy here at home MUCH cheaper!

610. My babies voices heard over the phone, the three year old asking “Why aren’t you coming home?”, breaking my heart and making me appreciate them even more.

611. The way their eyes shined when they woke up to find me standing in the kitchen!! Such happy little faces.

612. Family that gives and loves selflessly, for us. How we don’t deserve it. How it blesses us.

613. This crazy 3 days until Relevant, the prepping, the packing…

0 thoughts on “Thoughts On Rushing~ And An Unending List Of Blessings

  1. Anonymous

    Love your word pictures. And your happy smile. Suspect my struggle gets needlessly longer because… 
    Yes, embrace the coming chaos, and really enjoy Relevant. I wanted so much to go, when I first learned of it, but when I saw that waiting list, of which I was at the bottom, I knew I wouldn’t make it. Hoping for next year! God bless!

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      I was also on the waiting list. I truly never imagined God would open this door. I had long shut it and given up hope. Never give up!  That’s what he has been whispering to me… I pray we both make it there next year 😉

      Reply
  2. Oh precious friend, me too: “I’m the one who has at moments, been arrogant enough to stand at the buffet and think in the dark ugly corners of my heart, “is this all there is to eat?” ‘ So much goodness, so much blessing, so much grace.  This is my anthem today: “I think of how God still uses the broken, how he fits pieces of the shattered together and how there is no shard too sharp or too small that he can’t work into the mosaic.”  Amen.  Let it be so. 

    So happy for you in your time away!  Drink deep and let your cup overflow at Relevant.  (Of course I want full details when you get back – ha!) 

    And that photo – could you be any more beautiful???  😉

    Reply
  3. Jennifer_StudioJRU

    Such a beautiful post and wonderful list of gifts. I love hearing that your husband is your best friend… mine is my best friend too! People watching is so much fun. #611… that is *so* sweet! That photo is gorgeous!

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Jennifer,
      So thankful you stopped by to read!  It is a blessed thing to be married to your best friend, isn’t it?  I can’t imagine life any other way!  Thank you, sweet friend! 

      Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Always Alleluia, first off I just love that name! So blessed to come by and meet a new sister in the Lord… Thank you for sharing on the “willing and wanting, never quenched for His living water…….”That is so my heart <3May you always find your rest and your quiet in Him. Thanks for sharing

    Reply

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