God-sized dreams, Refine Retreat

Thoughts On Thin Faith and Wild Dreams

Thoughts On Thin Faith and Wild Dreams

October slipped in fast behind September, even as I knew to expect it, still, it caught me by surprise. All this month while these posts about creativity are going live daily on my site, I admit I’m distracted by other projects that will also be here quicker than I anticipate, even as I see their days marked off on the calendar.

I don’t really have time to even be writing this post. But there’s something being built here, behind the scenes, that I don’t want you to miss.

It’s bigger than a 31 days series.

And honestly, I’m a bit overwhelmed with how the process is unfolding.

What does that process look like, you might be asking?

It looks like God exposing my thin faith while weaving wild dreams.


It looks mostly like me, bent on my face, praying desperately doubt-filled prayers, clinging white-knuckled to a thin thread, made up of hope and faith twisted together.

I pray, I cling, I wait.

God moves when the appointed time arrives and I have no insight to when or how He will chooses to answer. My job appears to be, to petition, and to wait. But more than the waiting, it seems He’s challenging me to really believe–to live by faith in the most honest way possible. 

What I’m discovering through this, is that my faith is significantly smaller than I’d hoped–

Thankfully, God’s multiplication abilities far exceed my own. And friends, I am watching Him multiply odds and ends that in my hands, only seem to be zeros.

I brought the tinniest minnow to Him, barely believing He could do anything with my paltry offering and yet, He is growing that thin sliver of a thing right in front of me. I can do nothing but proclaim His good works.

Still, even as I see with my own eyes the work of His hands, I feel the frailty of my faith–even in the face of miracles. And I see now how the disciples could be so oblivious and fretful, even as Christ sat among them.

The enormity of His shadow, only further emphasizes my smallness. His light exposes my doubt.

I need Him. Every single hour.

There’s more I want to say, and yet I can’t yet–but I will tell you, what I am talking about is this journey of building Refine {the retreat}.

This is God’s event–not mine. I refuse to claim it in any real way other than that I seem to have been given the role of secretary and errand runner for God’s retreat.

I’m nothing more than His girl-friday, making the calls and writing the checks. But the women who have already bought tickets? The ones still praying about attending? These women are being hand-picked by God.

I can’t even describe what Refine will be like. The honest answer is that I don’t know.

(I’ve reminded Him repeatedly, how difficult it is to plan an event with so little information available–He’s notes my anxiety, and tells me to wait). So that’s what I do most days. I bend, I cry pray, and I wait.

What I wanted to tell you, through all of this, is that there isn’t too much time left for waiting.

The last day for ticket sales is December 1, which is as inconvenient for you, as it is for me–and I know how far away April seems right now. But there are contracts and deadlines, and these things cannot be ignored.

So what I’m saying is this, God has plans for this retreat that only He knows. While I don’t know the specifics, I do have a word from Him–it’s actually an old word that came months ago, without much context.

bring the fire

Now, however, the pieces are drifting together, continental shelves of divine intention, drawing nearer to form an image that bares His name.

Will you be there to see what He’s got planned? Will you ask Him if you’re one of the few?

There are just 13 or so spots left open.


Eventbrite - Refine {the retreat} For Women



Sharing this post in community with Jennifer, Emily and Ann.

Looking for today’s 31 Days post? It’s right HERE.


  1. Oh, goodness! I’ve not ever read a book or heard a sermon that more accurately depicted what “faith” really is. You amaze me and inspire me to want to abandon a life lived luke-warm and mediocre to pursue a God whose is an all consuming fire. Thank you for writing this.

    1. This is only a glimpse, right? Just this morning after clicking “publish” on this post, another major prayer was answered related to the retreat. I remain bent and flattened by the sheer grace that God is dumping over this event. If it is thins incredible trying to get there, I have to say, I fee confident God will do mighty work in the hearts of the women at Refine. I am overjoyed that you will be among them. XO

  2. Tonya

    Oh friend… praying here. Praying for you as you run God’s errands and prepare for His marvelous works. Bending low with you friend and praying for His purpose.

  3. Sarah

    I read this yesterday from Haley Morgan, and reading your journey reminded me of it: “I heard once that God is never early, but always on time. He doesn’t give you the ticket to get on the train until you need it. …His timing is what kept driving me back to God for my strength rather than boasting in my awesome talk.”

    He’s such a smart God for holding out on us so that we don’t forget Him on the way, isn’t He? Praying for you, friend!

    1. yes, that is so perfect and true, and that is exactly how this whole process has been for me, He gives me only what I need in the moment He knows I need it. It’s humbling and beautiful, and difficult all at once. But this stretching that he’s doing? It’s rocking my world in the best of ways. Praying for you, my sweet friend.

  4. I can’t even begin to tell you how I related to this post. Obviously for a different reason and season, but the feelings are the same. I feel like my faith is small. Like I’m trying to take over what God has placed in my hands to steward, as if I know better. I want to rush up ahead because it’s part of MY plan. Oh friend, I know, and I am praying for you and for the Retreat.

    I wish I could commit to being there, but with so much uncertainty in our adoption yet, everything is put on hold. Hugs and love to you friend. I may not be able to be there, but I will support you in prayer and encouragement–because I’m going through the same refining season.

    1. i appreciate your encouragement, Christin, and I know things are hard for you as you wait for this adoption to proceed. But I can assure you that God has this, and He has YOU in His care. He has not forgotten the desires of your heart and this refinement is not in vain. Rest in that as best you can. I am praying for you too!

  5. Humbled and excited to be walking this out with you. Can’t wait to hear the outcome, I know its going to be awesome. You’ll look back with your mouth hanging open and say, “Look at what God has done.”

    1. I am so glad I can share it with you, Shelly. And I know I will look back in amazement, my mouth still gaping even now. I am truly overwhelmed by what God is doing. He is faithful. That is my refrain.

  6. Julie Reynolds

    THIS!!! This is why I love you so…. you allowing Him to use you in the unknowing and the undiscovered territory. Autumn and I are still praying and waiting on Him. You know that I am praying with you, for you, and for each who will be privileged to be one of the 40 called to REFINE!

    1. thank you, Julie. Thank you for your prayers and friendship and unwavering support. I know that your prayers alone have held me high to heaven and God has answered so many times. Praying for you as well. Give those ladies a big squeeze from me!!

  7. Yvonne Reynolds

    You are being willing to be used by Him for His purpose. It is amazing the journey He can take us on when we have faith in His path for us.

    1. I hear your heart, sweet lady. And that post by Jennie Allen? Mercy. I read it last week and nearly fell out of my chair at the similarities. I feel a bit like her, as I ask people to spend good money to come experience a weekend I can’t fully describe for them. I just have to keep falling back on Jesus, remembering in every moment of uncertainty, that this is His, and He will complete the good work He has begun. You know I am praying for you! XO

  8. I love watching from the sidewalk, this parade of glory as God paves the way with unexpected favor.

    So proud of you — you that He hand picked and those who are also saying yes. and though I wish my view was closer, I’m savoring what God is doing here, friend {HUGS}

    1. Nikki, I have to admit, selfishly, I wish you were watching from closer than the sidewalk–however, my JOY for the reasons you are where you are, is high and I cannot wait to hear more about all that is happening in YOUR world. God is moving, and I am overwhelmed (truly) by His abundant provision. It is beyond my wildest dreams.

  9. Boo. Just looked at the dates and the retreat is the same as when I’ve already committed to a beach trip with my besties next year. What are the odds of that??? 🙁 One of these days I’m going to make it to a retreat though with you awesome bloggers. I know this will be a meaningful and insightful trip for all those that get to attend!


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