What’s Your Love Idol? (The Mirror Is A Liar)

{Inspired by the book, Love Idol}

Cupping her chin in my hands I tell her she’s SO beautiful. She frowns and pulls back out of reach and denies my compliment. I tell her again and she closes her eyes and refuses to hear the words I’m saying. She’s all but put her hands over her ears and I’m fighting back tears that want to spring forth and drown us both.

I probe her for answers, how can she believe anything other than what I’m saying?–Which is more than compliment and encouragement–it’s bold, indisputable truth–that she is undeniably beautiful.

Love Idol

Still I repeat it and she hardens further against my words. It turns out that someone, just one person, in an ugly moment, denied her beauty and for all of the times I’ve told her she is lovely and treasured, she only remembers and holds on to the lie instead.

I get it.

Lies are easier to believe. Harsh words spoken cling tighter to our souls than kindness–don’t ask me why.

I repeat it for days on end, “You’re beautiful” I say. I don’t know if she hears me. I pray it’s not too late to close up the holes that a few hurtful words have bore into her young heart.

love idol


He pokes at his stomach and frowns. Already he’s unhappy with his shape, he sees himself through a warped lens, one that says he bulges a bit too much in all of the wrong places and in his mind this makes him therefore unworthy of love. He doesn’t spend much time in front of the mirror, and he tugs at his clothes always uncomfortable with the way they hang on his frame.

He’s heard words that have stung, words that have left him ashamed. I hold him longer, pushing back my own tears when he doesn’t see.

My heart breaks with familiarity over the ache of self-loathing. I’m only just now beginning to believe that the mirror is a liar.


Standing half undressed in the dressing room I hear an unseen woman as she makes her way down the narrow aisle of closed-doored dressing rooms, straight towards the unavoidable mirror at the end. “Oh God,” She says. “I haven’t looked at myself in the mirror in a million years, I’m disgusting. I want to throw up when I see myself.”  

I’m standing there with my jeans half up, staring at my own softened stomach which has expanded 4 times to accommodate four humans. I close my eyes, listening to her shuffle into the next dressing room and it sounds like someone is crying.

Love idol

I open my eyes, forcing myself to stare long at my own reflection. The mirror is a liar when I hear it call me unworthy. I look at my shape, my pieces, not as separates, but as a whole–after all, I am not merely a leg or an arm but a whole body, imperfect as it may be. The jeans I’m trying on are larger than the ones I bought a couple of years ago. I know how this makes me feel but I fight it. I ignore the size on the tag. I’m not a number.

I’m not a number.

I’m not a number.

I’m not a number.

It’s the voice of the enemy, that reduces our value to something as shallow as a reflection, or a size tag.

Love Idol
I don’t know if the woman in the next stall knows Jesus, or if anyone ever cupped her face and told her she is beautiful. I didn’t even actually see her, but I know that she must be. We are all created in His image and in us there is beauty because we bare His marks.

I’ve fought so long against the smeary reflection the enemy pushes in my face. I’ve looked on my own imperfections with absolute disgust and though I didn’t say what that woman said, I’ve felt it.

love idol

Myself, my children, this stranger here in the ladies department–all of us at risk for missing the truth when we believe that what we see in a piece of glass is the sum total of all that we are, of all that we are worth.

I know my own reflection has been an idol in my life. I’ve believed that the outward holds power and I’ve struggled with trying to wield it, control in, shape it, minimize and maximize it.

Love Idol

It’s been a full weekend of discovery. My heart aches with grief over how the mirror is a liar, and how apt we are to believe that our worth is defined by a piece of glass–or worse, by the hurtful words of others, and ourselves who call us any number of brutal things other than worthy.

With the Spirit at work in me I choose:
Christ-esteem. Not Self -esteem.
Christ awareness. Not self-awareness.
Easy yokes. Not bullet-pointed steps.
More helpings of grace. Not a buffet of self-condemnation.
A chorus of God’s praise. Not cries of despair.
God’s glory. Not my own. Jennifer Lee, Love Idol

Our imperfections are not a pink slip for this life. We don’t have to spend our lives trying to prove our value. We can choose, just as we are, to reflect God’s glory. We can choose to let our imperfections be a beacon of grace.

Or we can cling to the lies.We can believe that we are still unworthy–that it takes more than Christ shed blood and mercy to make us fit. We can live disqualified by our own idols.

I don’t want to anymore.

We’re all mirrors, What–or rather Whom–will I reflect? Jennifer Lee, Love Idol.


My friend, and fellow author, Jennifer Lee wrote an amazing book called Love Idol. We’ve all got idols vying for our attention. We’ve got those things that keep us from getting closer to Christ. It’s time to clean out the closet. It’s time to smash those idols and find freedom in worshiping the only One worthy of our adoration.This book could just revolutionize your whole life–


Want a copy? I’ve got one copy sitting here that I’d love to share with one of you.

Leave a comment on this post and I’ll choose someone at *random* on Friday. (U.S. residents only)


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65 thoughts on “What’s Your Love Idol (The Mirror Is A Liar)

  1. Well, I’m a mess over here. Your words, oh how they reveal what is hidden in my own heart concerning beauty, or how I see myself. My prayer has always been for my girls (and my boys) to see themselves no less than how God sees them. Yet I fear my own self loathing has put things into their own view that only God can remove now. I must read this book!

    1. Barbie–praying with you and for your heart. May you feel the LOVING approval of Christ wash over you, just as you are, right in this moment. You are a treasure, a beautiful reflection of Jesus’ love to others.

  2. OH MY WORD!! You’ve done it again, your words brought me to tears. There are so many of us who have had the dressing room fight with ourselves, and bought into the lies as we totaled our own worth with the number on the scale or the size on the tag. I want this book!

    1. Love you so, Julie. This book is so good. It touches all of those tender spots and reminds us to let Christ be our balm of healing, our comforter in our hurting, and our victor in our struggle to live by His spirit. LOVE YOU, sweet friend.

  3. “We’ve all got idols vying for our attention. We’ve got those things that keep us from getting closer to Christ.” Yes. Some of those idols I’m aware of, but some are deviously hidden. I struggle with believing the lies and am thinking I need this book…

    1. It’s a great book Jill. Truly. Praying for you as you root out those idols. God is generous in mercy and eager for us to give Him more room in our hearts. Much love to you, sweet friend.

  4. I’ve some idols that I’ve smashed, then glued back together and set back up, like the false god Dagon. I need to incinerate them. I can see the value and need for this book. Beautiful words, Kris.

  5. People have always said I’m beautiful and the instant they do, I think “That’s because I’m wearing clothes, make up and hairspray” I’ve believed for so long that I’m only beautiful if I try REALLY SUPER hard and that if anyone really knew, if they ever found out the honest truth, they’d never say that about me again. I’m so tired of trying to live up to the expectations I’ve set for myself. I’m 35, a fitness instructor, a wife for 16 years and a mother to 2 healthy children (though my 13 year old daughter sounds an awful lot like the 1st paragraph of this entry!) Why do I hate myself so much for not fitting into my size 6 jeans? I can list 100 good things about myself and put my weight on the other side of the paper and in my mind, it cancels out all 100 of those things. How truly sad. Judging from this post (which a friend forwarded to me) I need this book. 🙂

  6. I love this Kris… and oh my stars how it hurts to find that after years of intentionally speaking life into our littles – one word from a stranger or peer can seep in deeper… crafty – that is what he is. How is it that he can say that we are Too Much and yet also Not Enough? As I ponder that, Jesus asks me the same question… how is it that so many so I Am too much, and not enough? One of them is the Truth… and yes, the other is a liar!

    1. Indeed, Karrilee. The enemy is crafty and cunning, but The weight of Christ’s truth crushes him when we stand on it. Praying grace over the hearts of our little ones. May God cause the good words, the truth, to cling tightly to them, and imbed itself deep within.

  7. Thank you. I also fight self talk and do my best to listen to God talk. Just this morning I repeated, “Whatsoever things are of good report, whatsoever things are of virtue, whatsoever things are true…think on these things!” and made myself think of the great things in my life! I would love this book. Love God-inspired writing. God bless!

  8. As a new Christian I’m still learning about idols. The more I look, the more I find. It’s actually scary how good the devil is. I really need this book.

  9. Oh this was just so good. I’ve been seeing so many bits of this because of all the friends who are involved, but to be honest, with this book? I’ve been hovering around the edges – just too afraid to pick it up; get involved; and read the words. Love Idol probably hits at one of my most vulnerable spots – the one that I’ve let scar over, heal over, that I’ve buried deep, that I work hard to not acknowledge, that I live with as if I don’t care. But now that my sweet girl is ten and coming into her own, and running hard into the face of some of the same words and hateful messages that upended me and sent me sprawling, I have to find a way back to this so that some real healing can happen. Thank you for sharing this today Kris. Just thank you.

    1. Rebekah, as painful as it is, I pray you’ll let God all of the way in, let Him minister to your hurting places and bring true, lasting deliverance from the lies and bondage of your heart. You are a beautiful creation, you have much to offer and gifts to share. You are LOVED. Jesus is gentle, He is generous, he can be trusted.

  10. May we all reflect Him! I think each one of us would be blessed by Jennifer’s book. I don’t know a woman who does not struggle on some level with this… So great for you to share the words and chance to get the book !

  11. Just the few words I just read above moved me down in my spirit. I can’t wait to read the whole book! I already feel this book will do a mighty transformation in my life.

  12. This post moves me. I flirted with anorexia in high school. I have to avoid fashion magazines because I can’t get out of the comparison trap. Oh, if I – and all other ladies – could only see ourselves through God’s eyes!

  13. Kris, I’m on this walk with you. Part of the Launch Team. This was a beautiful post. I and going to share it on my Facebook Profile so that many other readers will be as blessed as I have been reading your post and being on this journey!
    Blessings, Janis

  14. Word. I say it over and over and over to my girl. I want her to know it so deep in her bones that it swells in her every step, the way she’s loved. And I want it for me too. To remember and know it always. Keep cradling that precious face. Keep speaking the truth. Keep fighting for it. Imagine what this world would look like if we knew we were enough? I cannot even imagine the impact of that kind of glory. I’m holding out to see it.

  15. I’m old enough to know better, yet I still fight these feelings too. I fear I’ve already passed this on to my young adult daughter. I see it affecting even my very young granddaughters. It needs to stop. “Woman” judges the outward appearance. God judges the heart. Why can’t we get it into our minds that it’s what God sees as beautiful, as worthy, that makes a difference?

    1. Praying for you and your daughter, Donna. This book is a great tool for sharing this critical, life-changing message with those we love. Perhaps you and your daughter could read it together.

  16. This has been on my mind a lot lately too, Kris. The tags in my clothing. I have come to a place in life where my size no longer defines me… and I’ve been LOTS of sizes… but the tags. The tags. They still catch my eye. In fact I was just getting ready to write about this very thing. GIVING them UP! I wrote a piece a year ago and then shared it again … anew … earlier this month to link up to Jennifer’s Love Idol link up. It “mirrors” what you are feeling. May I share it with you? It’s my heart … and that ugly mirror… seeing parts and pieces.


    Blessings, Kris.
    ~ Heather

  17. I am still struggling with size tags, greying hair, wrinkles, actually, getting old. Somewhere I lost “me” and my sense of worth. I need this book.

  18. Oh that mirror. And camera. Those beasties that play on our emotions. But this, this is true and lovely, and I am blessed by it.

  19. I have fought that battle all of my life. The Lord has recently freed me, but the enemy is always trying to slip back in there. Just pray for those beans. They ARE beautiful…and they have the most beautiful hearts of any children I have ever met. I would love to be as wonderful as your boys.

  20. Others have already said it, but I too have fought a lifelong battle with the image in the mirror telling me I’m not worthy, I’m fat, I’m ugly. But I know who finds me beautiful, loveable, and just right — the good Lord!

  21. You would think at the age of 61, I would have it solved by now. Nope, those nasty thoughts have a lot more experienced pathways. 🙁

    1. Praying grace of=ver you, Debra. Lord comfort you and help His truth to seep in so deep that no lie can dare dry up the well of truth that lives within you. Jesus is IN you. You are His. And you are lovely.

  22. It was the source of our first real fight when dating… he told me I was beautiful and I assumed he was “just saying it to be nice”. Lies run deep and take so much to overcome. Thanks for sharing.

  23. Thank you, Kris. So true. Why is the lie so much easier to believe than the truth? I want to live with Christ-esteem, not my own, because mine is far too fragile. The lie I’ve believed the most, that I still fight with most, is that I’m simply not enough. Fill in the blank, but I’ve struggled with what more I need to do to BE enough, when my enough has already redeemed and saved me. In fact, continues to love me and sing over me and all of us (including my sweet girls) with this sustaining enough. I cannot wait to read Jennifer’s book.

  24. Just as we are . . . Just as I am . . . Fiercely loved. Loving fiercely.

    I’m finally fighting to believe and live this. Would love to win this book. It’s on my wishlist!

    Deb Weaver

  25. Already my 13 year old daughter is self-conscious about her appearance and I am desperate that she grows up knowing her true worth does not lie in what she sees in a mirror, and even less in what other people think of her. I cannot wait to read this book!

  26. Oh dear God. This. This is my battleground since I was a small girl being teased at school..and now–an aging version of my former self–it’s so hard to accept the pooches, wrinkles and grays as beautiful too. I do not want to be so stinkin’ self obsessed, Thanks for this great reminder.

  27. I struggle so much with body image as well. I worked for a company that was VERY weight/appearance/numbers driven, and though I have been away from there for 3 years, the enemy still nags at me, taunts me with “not good enough” each time I step on the scale or pass a mirror or try on clothing or………you get it. This book would be a great read for me!

  28. Wow! This is awesome! I SO relate. I like how you said we are whole, not just parts. We are wholly loved – every part of us! Thank you for these words!

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